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While the idea of love, at first sight, may seem romantic, it is not necessarily a realistic expectation. It takes time to truly get to know someone and establish a deep connection. Instant attraction and infatuation can be powerful, but building a lasting relationship requires more than just physical chemistry. The belief in a single, perfect soulmate who completes us is a popular myth perpetuated by movies and books. This idea can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on relationships. It is important to recognize that compatibility is a result of shared values, interests, and goals, rather than just a mystical connection.

Don’t…get too attached too quickly. It’s healthy to keep your options open at the early stages of dating. Commitment should come after you’ve seen real potential in the person you’re dating and after an honest conversation about where you both want things to go. Do…give yourself a break from dating when it’s needed. It’s very important to have a balance in all areas of your life. If work or personal circumstances demand it, taking a break from ‘putting yourself out there’ may well be the best thing you can do. Stretching yourself thinly doesn’t do any favours to you or any of your dates.

As soon as the stay-at-home order hit, the dating game changed. Maybe you got Zoom-date fatigue or maybe you’re now determining who to date based on vaccination status. However, what’s going on in the world doesn’t have to harm your love life. In fact, it could even be beneficial. For example, dating during a pandemic meant focusing on an emotional connection first, since the physical connection and new-relationship excitement isn’t possible. You got to know who someone was without spending time and energy doing the actual dating. You learned to build slower connections (plus, it’s more foreplay, you know?) and staying at home became an opportunity to get to know other people with fewer distractions. The past two years have changed us in many ways, and the way you date (and prioritize what you want) can be one of them. Reevaluate what you’re looking for and how you want to date based on the lessons you’ve learned.

It will show in how you look at her. And your conversations will most likely be steered towards sex. For instance, when you start looking for ways to get a girl to your place after a first date, she knows you’re up to something. And a girl who thinks you only want to be with her for the sex isn’t going to want to have a relationship with you. In his book, The Art of Seduction, Rober Greene explained that the problem so many people have with seduction is that they say everything they mean. Though it is instinctive to want to get poetic about your feelings when you like someone, it is better to reveal your intentions gradually. Women like to feel that they earned their admiration. She wants to think it’s her unique character, her virtue, her honesty, her integrity, etc., that attracted you to her.

Scientifically, it’s been found that making eye contact with someone we love makes us feel good. And this is because when two people who are attracted to each other mutually gaze into each other’s eyes, the brain releases oxytocin, which in turn makes the two people looking at each other bond more. Furthermore, a man who always makes good eye contact with his woman makes her feel special. When he’s looking at her, it’s evident that he’s paying attention. It means he respects her, and whatever she has to say is deserving of his undivided attention. Most women are turned on by a deep baritone voice. And this is partly because we all want what we don’t or can’t have. Women typically have soft and mild voices. And hearing a man who has a strong, deep voice just feels good.

Communicate your preferences: Share your needs and preferences early. Many times, people are concerned they will appear “needy” or “high-maintenance.” No, you are setting expectations. If your work requires you to be on virtual calls most of the day and you cannot text or call during the day, communicate this and let the other party know when you are available. If you prefer daily check-ins, even just a little text to say hi, let the person know. Are you punctual? Express your appreciation for being on time to dates. Are you constantly running late? Give your date a heads up and apologize in advance.

Repeat after me: Dating should be fun. It should not feel forced, boring, painful, or sad. If it’s not enjoyable, you’re either putting too much pressure on each date, feeling self-conscious about dating, or focusing on the wrong things. Remember that dating is not intended to have only one outcome. Every experience—whether it’s a date, Tinder conversation, or a few months of dating—brings you closer to clarity.

Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.

One reason why many singles struggle to find lasting love is that they have what’s called a “bad picker.” They keep chasing after the same type of person — say, a bad boy with a fear of commitment, a beautiful but shallow woman who’s only after their money, or a controlling man who they mistake for caring and protective. Then they wonder why all their relationships seem to end the same way. If you’ve been having deja vu in dating — and not in a good way — it’s probably a good idea to shake things up and get out of your comfort zone. Specifically, letting someone else find you a date can prevent you from falling prey to those same old toxic habits.